Exchanging Time for Space Does Not Equal Procrastination
Written by: Ms. Cheung Wai Ching, Principal
Once, a man was at odds with someone over trivial matters and sought the wisdom of a sage. The sage advised him, “Let’s discuss this in a few days.” A few days later, the man returned, saying, “I still seek your judgment on who is right and who is wrong!” The sage replied, “Let’s wait until you are calm.” After a few more days, the man returned, declaring, “I am calm now!” The sage smiled and said, “Since you are calm, then go home!”
Last year, two second-grade girls, who were originally good friends, fell out over a minor issue. Since both their mothers were parent volunteers at the school, they naturally got involved in the dispute. One mother even believed her daughter was being bullied and sought help from the school social worker. Ultimately, the matter was handed over to the school’s disciplinary teacher, who began meeting with the two girls and their classmates to understand the situation. The mother who complained about her daughter being bullied grew impatient while waiting and repeatedly inquired about the progress of the investigation through various channels. Consequently, the responsible discipline teacher provided updates on the investigation and the interactions of the two girls every two to three days.
Finally, after a month, the teacher officially invited the mother to the school to discuss the investigation results. The teacher explained that the two girls were originally friends who often played with a few other classmates. In this incident, both had made mistakes that needed correction, but it was merely a storm in a teacup—small issues between children that should not involve exclusion or bullying. The teacher reached this conclusion after observing the girls laughing and playing together during recess and lunch, noting that they seemed to have no lingering issues. Thus, the teacher felt that there was no need to impose any disciplinary action, and that understanding and guidance from both the teacher and parents was the best way to resolve the problem.
From a general perspective on handling disciplinary issues, taking over a month to investigate a case might seem excessive, and even the parents might think the teacher would let it slide. However, this was not the case. The teacher understood that during disputes, both sides would hold firm opinions and feel the other was at fault. Yet, once they calmed down, they might just laugh off the argument and continue their friendship. Therefore, the teacher took the time to observe how the two interacted after the incident. Since their friendship remained intact, there was no need for the teacher to impose punishment that would leave both girls feeling regretful. The teacher’s analysis won the mother’s full agreement.
Determining right from wrong can sometimes be difficult. I only know that a bowl cannot make a sound by itself. When problems arise, being a little more patient and amicable can create the space for mutual understanding over time.